Friday, June 29, 2012

Will someone please turn off the Fat Albert theme song!?!

I try very hard to not write too much about weight stuff.  I mean, we all have our insecurities (even the idiot girls who look perfect EXCEPT their one big toe that kind of does something crazy).  Since IMTX, I knew I had put on weight.   Not a ton or anything but enough that my clothes fit a little too tight and a few cute things I bought when I lost weight, didn’t fit anymore.  No big deal though.  I’ve always been one to lose weight quickly when I start working hard.  Yeah, that may have been the case in my early 30’s but certainly not in my late 30’s….close to 40’s.  Anyway, I try not to get on the scale b/c I basically hate scales but I decided when I started to “diet” I would have to.  Well, I got on the scale and the number I saw was shocking.  Of course, I assumed the scale was wrong.  I mean, I wear a solid size 8 there is no way I could weigh THAT much.  I know what some of you folks are thinking….as I gained weight, I stretched my clothes out.  Maybe.  Possibly.  Well, I’ve bought new clothes recently and the sizes I’ve purchased have all been S, M or 8.  Ok.  What else could account for such a large number on the scale?  Big bones?  Ugh, I’ve been told that before.  I don’t know if some folks actually have bigger bones than others.  I took a look at my wrists and they are pretty damn small so I don't think I'm big boned.  Next?  Muscle weighs more than fat.  Yes, it does indeed BUT I don’t think I’ve replaced a significant amount of fat w/ muscle yet.  So after exploring every possible reason as to why I weigh what I weigh, I’ve decided that the only logical explanation is that I have some sort of tumor in my stomach that weighs a shit-ton.  Yes, a tumor is why I weigh this much.  Perfect. 

I had an immediate freak out after getting on the scale and decided I was not going to eat anything but water and cucumbers for the next 4 weeks.  After about 10 minutes, the voice of reason started to make its way out of my head.  Weight is just a number (a large number for some of us).  A size 8 is not fat.  So if a size 8 = x number of pounds for me, so be it.  I’m going to stay the course and keep trying to eat healthy and keep working out.  If I look & feel good and am healthy, I’m not sure I can ask for much more.  Yes, I still want to drop weight but I’ve also realized that maybe the initial number I had in my head isn’t very realistic given the way I’m built.  I mean, if I got down to the number that’s in my head, I think I would end up a size 0 and that’s just not what I want. 

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