I try very hard to not write too much about weight stuff. I mean, we all have our insecurities (even the idiot girls who look perfect EXCEPT their one big toe that kind of does something crazy). Since IMTX, I knew I had put on weight. Not a ton or anything but enough that my clothes fit a little too tight and a few cute things I bought when I lost weight, didn’t fit anymore. No big deal though. I’ve always been one to lose weight quickly when I start working hard. Yeah, that may have been the case in my early 30’s but certainly not in my late 30’s….close to 40’s. Anyway, I try not to get on the scale b/c I basically hate scales but I decided when I started to “diet” I would have to. Well, I got on the scale and the number I saw was shocking. Of course, I assumed the scale was wrong. I mean, I wear a solid size 8 there is no way I could weigh THAT much. I know what some of you folks are thinking….as I gained weight, I stretched my clothes out. Maybe. Possibly. Well, I’ve bought new clothes recently and the sizes I’ve purchased have all been S, M or 8. Ok. What else could account for such a large number on the scale? Big bones? Ugh, I’ve been told that before. I don’t know if some folks actually have bigger bones than others. I took a look at my wrists and they are pretty damn small so I don't think I'm big boned. Next? Muscle weighs more than fat. Yes, it does indeed BUT I don’t think I’ve replaced a significant amount of fat w/ muscle yet. So after exploring every possible reason as to why I weigh what I weigh, I’ve decided that the only logical explanation is that I have some sort of tumor in my stomach that weighs a shit-ton. Yes, a tumor is why I weigh this much. Perfect.
I had an immediate freak out after getting on the scale and decided I was not going to eat anything but water and cucumbers for the next 4 weeks. After about 10 minutes, the voice of reason started to make its way out of my head. Weight is just a number (a large number for some of us). A size 8 is not fat. So if a size 8 = x number of pounds for me, so be it. I’m going to stay the course and keep trying to eat healthy and keep working out. If I look & feel good and am healthy, I’m not sure I can ask for much more. Yes, I still want to drop weight but I’ve also realized that maybe the initial number I had in my head isn’t very realistic given the way I’m built. I mean, if I got down to the number that’s in my head, I think I would end up a size 0 and that’s just not what I want.