Overall, I am still happy I finished and I am grateful to have a small PR. I got to work Tuesday morning and saw the “13” on my computer that I had stared at for weeks and weeks and I got teary. I removed it from the screen and put it in my purse…I just couldn’t throw it away. Isn’t that kind of weird? To me, throwing it away would mean I am giving up on my goal of a sub-14 Ironman. I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
After the race, I told Keith and pretty much anyone within earshot that I was done with Ironman Texas. On the way back from getting my Finisher’s gear, I told him I was probably done with Ironman. I think part of me felt defeated. I found myself thinking that I’m probably just a 15hr type of gal. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that. I just really, really, really wanted to hit my goal. To watch it slip away mile by mile was truly heartbreaking. I know this is just a hobby but it’s a hobby that I invest so much of myself into. It’s a hobby that my friends & family invest so much into. A hobby my coach invests so much time into. I have come so far and to have a finish that wasn’t much better than my first just hurt.
By Monday, I was talking about my next Ironman. Maybe 3rd time will be a charm. I’m torn though. Do I pick a destination that will offer better temps or do I treat IMTX the way I treated Galveston and come back with a vengeance? I really don’t know. May in Texas is brutal and I’m lucky I finished on Saturday. There were people far more fit than me who looked a lot worse off.
So yeah, I drank the Kool-Aid and as Dee said, it’s strong stuff. I’m seriously contemplating a 3rd Ironman. I am not satisfied with a 15+ hour finish. I want to do better. I know I can do better. I will do better.